


feeling used, but i’m still missing you

by angelica_barnes



Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not Famous, Angst, Cheating, Engagement, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 00:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15352200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelica_barnes/pseuds/angelica_barnes
Summary: perrie is horribly, absolutely, much too in love with her fiance, zayn.zayn's in love with the man across the street, and he doesn't know she knows.she can see them from her window.(“And she sees her man smile, sees Zayn smile in the arms of someone else.”)





	feeling used, but i’m still missing you

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from "I Hate You, I Love You" by gnash ft. olivia o'brien

Perrie lives with Zayn in an empty house. He’s never there, and she leaves the door unlocked all the time, just hoping that maybe he’ll come home, but she knows he won’t. 

Because he’s her home and she’s lost; he lives somewhere else.

 

 

-

 

Liam opens his door to Zayn every night, and Perrie watches their silhouettes from her window. She stopped calling it theirs awhile ago. The two figures are soon tangled up in one another, touching at the lips and fingers and chests and it hurts but that’s love.

Even Perrie, even Perrie can see it’s love.

 

 

-

 

Perrie turns off her light at 11:02 PM, but she doesn’t sleep. She stares out through the glass, lying on her side, and she sees conversations had in hushed tones and slow dances in firelight and loving kisses in random moments.

She sees smiles too, and so she tries to smile also.

 

 

-

 

Perrie remembers when they first got together, and how she could make him laugh and how he told her things, regardless of whether he was sober at the time, and now she stays silent and twists the diamond ring on her finger.

She knows he doesn’t mean a word he says, but she believes him anyway.

 

 

-

 

Eventually Perrie gives up sleeping. She grabs a glass from the kitchen and pours herself a glass of red wine, sipping it slowly. She wants tipsy, not drunk, so she can remember but she can forget.

And then she returns to the window, staring through the supposed-closed curtains, and she feels another crack make itself at home in her heart.

 

 

-

 

Liam takes Zayn’s face in his hands and kisses him, huffing in laughter into Zayn’s mouth, and Perrie would bet Zayn tastes like dead roses. But maybe they’re live ones for Liam.

Because they’ve both tasted Zayn’s lips, but he’s only tasted one of them.

 

 

-

 

She’s still awake when they stop, 3:03 AM and there’s complete silence across the street. The noiseless quiet is welcome, and she shuts her eyes and lets it wash over her.

There’s a flash beneath her eyelids as the light streaming through her window is turned off.

 

 

-

 

Perrie manages to drag herself to bed, and as soon as she’s under the covers she’s sleeping, breathing peacefully and dreaming of happier days. But she’s a light sleeper, and she wakes up to the creak of footsteps on the floor and a kiss pressed to her head.

“Love you,” Zayn whispers as he slips into bed beside her, and Perrie sighs.

 

 

-

 

She contemplates telling him the truth, but instead he tells her; “Lie to me,” she mumbles, and he murmurs that he loves her again.

  
  


 


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